Kargil, Kashmir – While rival political, religious and ethnic factions have long competed over this troubled region in central Kashmir, today saw a frightening escalation in the tensions that have long-gripped this wind-swept mountain city.
A faction calling itself The Lions of God issued a radio address today threatening to unleash an “amazing” attack upon their enemies if their demands were not met.
No sooner had the ultimatum been delivered than the ruling Al Shahada faction vowed to retaliate with a “marvelous” response.
Seizing upon the unrest other groups declared they would join the fray with “incredible,” “astounding” and “remarkable” blows upon their enemies.
Not to be outdone the Lions of God heightened their stance with declaration of their willingness to launch a full-scale “astonishing” assault.
“And if this does not quell our enemies,” their latest communique read, “then we will be left with no choice but to assail the unbelievers with barrages of ‘stunning’ and ‘fantastic’.”
The latest round of tensions is believed to have arisen when a thesaurus was left unattended by a visiting journalist.
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