Category Archives: Uncategorized

BREAKING: Obama Goes to Copenhagen

Can’t even get a stupid t-shirt.

In Other National News

Unemployment Creeps Past 9.8%

Economists fault lack of stimulus spending in t-shirt sales as the leading cause of entrenched joblessness.

Despite Lobby by Obama, Chicago Loses Bid to Host Numerous Special Events

Among this weeks disappointments:

  • The US Special Olympics committee withdrew its offer to hold its 2016 games citing the fact that, despite his bowling scores, president Obama had taken all of their best athletes to Washington DC with him.
  • The International Adult Film Industry pulled out at the last moment citing concerns that holding their annual convention in Chicago may tarnish their image.
  • A week-long seminar for used car salesmen, accident compensation attorneys and military recruiters was cancelled because of concerns over Chicago’s on-going ethics issues.

However, it wasn’t all bad news for the Windy City. On Friday a major developer announced plans to build an industrial sized seal fur harvesting farm to be staffed exclusively by lepers and is powered by irradiated dirty coal but only because president Obama had begged, “pretty please with sugar, a cherry and sprinkles on top? I need this!”

Mayor Daley was overheard to say, “We’ll take it.”

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Announcement: Our Denouncement

First they came for the funny, but I said nothing because I was not funny...

First they came for the funny, but I said nothing because I was not funny...

To our readers…both of you (Hi, mom!)…we are delighted to announce that we have been denounced by The People’s Cube, the most politcally korrekt website on the internet for socialist merchandising and profit-making enterprises. It is with great honor that we have gained their condemnation and we look forward to be reviled by them for many years to come. Such deep-seated mistrust and loathing does not come easy and we hope we never disappoint such low expectations. So , won’t you please take a moment to visit The People’s Cube and become an object of fear and ridicule among the oppressed masses.

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