Tag Archives: war

Fear of Adjectives Rising In Kashmir

Kargil, Kashmir – While rival political, religious and ethnic factions have long competed over this troubled region in central Kashmir, today saw a frightening escalation in the tensions that have long-gripped this wind-swept mountain city.

A faction calling itself The Lions of God issued a radio address today threatening to unleash an “amazing” attack upon their enemies if their demands were not met.

No sooner had the ultimatum been delivered than the ruling Al Shahada faction vowed to retaliate with a “marvelous” response.

Seizing upon the unrest other groups declared they would join the fray with “incredible,” “astounding” and “remarkable” blows upon their enemies.

Not to be outdone the Lions of God heightened their stance with declaration of their willingness to launch a full-scale “astonishing” assault.

“And if this does not quell our enemies,” their latest communique read, “then we will be left with no choice but to assail the unbelievers with barrages of ‘stunning’ and ‘fantastic’.”

The latest round of tensions is believed to have arisen when a thesaurus was left unattended by a visiting journalist.

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Former Prosecutor’s Statement on Iraq War Crimes Leaves WH ‘Deeply Troubled’

The worst crime? Cheney was visited the ICC, got a cup of coffee and didn't leave money in the kitty.

The worst crime? Cheney once visited the ICC, got a cup of coffee and didn't leave money in the kitty.

The Hague, Netherlands – In a recent interview with Radio Netherlands Worldwide former chief international war crimes prosecutor and international law expert Richard Goldstone told the studio audience that allegations of war crimes perpetrated by the former Bush administration and its officials, “just doesn’t add up.”

The White House immediately released a statement saying the president was “deeply troubled” and “saddened by this development.” White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said the president was meeting with a team of his top advisers to discuss the crisis. “I would describe the president as fully engaged in this situation,” Gibbs said while taking questions from reporters. “The president is not about to allow America to suffer such a devastating blow to its sense of shame and self-loathing if he has anything to say about it.”

At the Department of Justice, US Attorney General Eric Holder was not so reserved with his choice of words. “Aw, damn it!”

Rep. John Conyers (D – MI) chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, which had held a mock impeachment trial of former president Bush, was said by friends to be “inconsolable.”

“He hasn’t been this despondent since they cancelled Dawson’s Creek,” said a senior aide standing outside the coat closet.

Professional war protester Cindy Sheehan dismissed the report saying, “I suppose next he’ll try and tell us the Jews had nothing to do with the Iraq war.” Sheehan’s close political confidant, Medea Benjamin was overheard lamenting, “What the hell am I supposed to do with all these t-shirts!”

In Other News:

Obama Swats Fly

"I won."

"I won."

Advcocates of the president’s national defense policies cited the action as a manifest projection of “smart power” and a decisive refutation of critics’ claims that the president doesn’t “get tough.”

The fly was expected to make a full recovery.

 

Michelle Obama Spruces Up Gitmo

Mary, Mary quite contrary...

Mary, Mary quite contrary...

The International Committee for the Red Cross calls it, “Good enough for us.”

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