Monthly Archives: August 2008

Activists Protest Olympian’s Diet

Gold medalist Michael Phelps pursues a rack of beef spare ribs that fell into the pool where he trains.

Gold medalist Michael Phelps pursues a rack of beef spare ribs that fell into the pool where he trains.

Beijing, China  РToday the liberal watchdog group Democrat Underground (DU)  issued a statement condemning 6-time Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps, denouncing him for his 12,000 calorie a day diet.

Noting that Americans comprised just 5% of the world’s population yet cosumed over 25% of its resources, burned 80% of its fossil fuels and produced over 75% of its carbon output DU lashed out at what it calls “calorie capitalism.”

“This sort of disproportianate caloric intake strikes to the very heart of what is wrong with American society. We could feed 8 starving villagers in third world countries with the amount of calories Mr. Phelps consumes on any given day. He essentially killing 8 people a day just to win shiny medals.”

A trainer for Mr. Phelps who asked not to be identified responded, “Are they retarded? He’s a world record setting athlete!”

DU was quick to respond that sports should not be a matter of who is the fastest or the strongest but who best sets the example of a global citizen striving for the best performance of humanity as a whole.

“Fucking morons,” the trainer responded before storming out of the Starbuck’s where the press conference was being held.

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