White House Trumpets New Environmental Compliance

Washington DC – After a series of fits and starts the White House today announced it has come into full compliance the tough new environmental standards set forth by congress this year.


Before and after: No longer the brightest bulb.

President Obama, once known for the brilliant, angelic radiance that accompanied him wherever he campaigned, has converted his beaming glow into a more energy-friendly Compact Flourescent Halo or CFH.

The more energy intensive incandescent halo was justified as an unpleasant necessity of the campaign trail but since entering the oval office White House staffers have been eager to point out how the president has reduced his output.

“I think we as Americans should be proud of the president’s leadership in this area,” said Eric DuBoise from the Office of Presidential Luminance. “If you look at all his work you can really tell he’s turned down the wattage in everything he does whether it’s the economy, healthcare or the war in Afghanistan.” 

However, many White House observers wonder if the president shouldn’t be exempt from the new regulations. “I understand the desire to lead by example,” said one member of the press corps, “but let’s face facts; the new CFH is kind of dim and it gives some folks a headache.”

In Other National News

Sen. Dodd Faces Tough Questions on Mortgage

Sen. Christopher Dodd (D – CT), chairman of the Senate Banking Committee which oversees the nation’s lending institutions has long been criticized for relaxing the regulations for lending practices that allowed the housing market to suffer a near catastrophic collapse has himself come under intense scrutiny concerning recently acquired mortgages.

At issue are a number of properties the senator appears to have been acquired on terms far more favorable than would be available to the average American.

“I can’t say anything specific happened,” said a senatorial staffer on conditions of anonymity, “but all I know is that after he bought St. James Place I got up to get a soda and when I came back he looked like he had a lot more money on his pile than when I left.

“And I think he bumped the little dog over to ‘Free Parking’ too.”

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Filed under Economics & Finance, Environment, Government

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