The Hague, Netherlands – In a recent interview with Radio Netherlands Worldwide former chief international war crimes prosecutor and international law expert Richard Goldstone told the studio audience that allegations of war crimes perpetrated by the former Bush administration and its officials, “just doesn’t add up.”
The White House immediately released a statement saying the president was “deeply troubled” and “saddened by this development.” White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said the president was meeting with a team of his top advisers to discuss the crisis. “I would describe the president as fully engaged in this situation,” Gibbs said while taking questions from reporters. “The president is not about to allow America to suffer such a devastating blow to its sense of shame and self-loathing if he has anything to say about it.”
At the Department of Justice, US Attorney General Eric Holder was not so reserved with his choice of words. “Aw, damn it!”
Rep. John Conyers (D – MI) chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, which had held a mock impeachment trial of former president Bush, was said by friends to be “inconsolable.”
“He hasn’t been this despondent since they cancelled Dawson’s Creek,” said a senior aide standing outside the coat closet.
Professional war protester Cindy Sheehan dismissed the report saying, “I suppose next he’ll try and tell us the Jews had nothing to do with the Iraq war.” Sheehan’s close political confidant, Medea Benjamin was overheard lamenting, “What the hell am I supposed to do with all these t-shirts!”
In Other News:
Obama Swats Fly
Advcocates of the president’s national defense policies cited the action as a manifest projection of “smart power” and a decisive refutation of critics’ claims that the president doesn’t “get tough.”
The fly was expected to make a full recovery.
Michelle Obama Spruces Up Gitmo
The International Committee for the Red Cross calls it, “Good enough for us.”