White House Speaks Out on Iranian Elections

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs accepts a $20 bet to see if he can get his fingers to touch in the middle.

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs accepts a $20 bet to see if he can get his fingers to touch in the middle.

Washington D.C. – With nationwide protests in Iran entering their 4th day and becoming increasingly more violent the White House moved quickly to dispel criticism that it had not adequately addressed the growing crisis surrounding what many believe were elections stolen by the mullahs of Tehran.

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs was adamant, “The president categorically denies any interference in the Iranian election process.”

“Are you saying it is the policy of the United States to allow the Iranian people to settle the issue themselves?” queried ABC’s Jake Tapper. Gibbs appeared taken momentarily aback by the question.

“Yes,” Gibbs responded, his eyes darting from side to side. “That’s exactly what I meant.”

“Do these events relate in any way to the president’s overtures to Ahmadinejad?” Tapper pursued.

“Who told you about that!”

“What?” Tapper was now the one seemingly disoriented. He joined the rest of the assembled press corps as they looked to each other for meaning.

“I’m only going to say this once: ACORN had absolutely nothing to do with the election results in Iran,” Gibbs blurted bringing the entire room to a dead silence. “And even if they did it should in no way be interpreted as reflecting on President Obama simply because of his former–very brief and tangental–involvement with that wholly seperate and independent group to which he only had a fleeting affiliation.”

The stillness was only broken by the sounds of gentle snoring emanating from Helen Thomas.

“How happy was president Obama to see the Penguins take the Stanley Cup,” chimed MSNBC’s Chuck Todd with a much welcomed venting of the tension in the room.

Gibbs livened-up almost immediately. “Naturally the president is delighted by a contest well-played by two worthy competitors and the NHL finals are no exception,” he said but his eyes suddenly narrowed. “However, any involvement by ACORN with the final score should not be interpreted as involving the president.”


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